What to Do When Your Child Says, “I Can’t”

Is your homeschool plagued by the “I can’t” bug?

You know. The one that bites your children causing them to become unable to do certain things?

I totally understand. That troublesome phrase can really slow things down for your homeschool. It can impede your child’s learning. It can give you a real headache.

But our children aren’t the only ones who utter that burdensome expression. We all struggle with the “I can’t” germ. Yes, that means us grown ups too. How many times have you heard yourself say things like:

• I can’t do anything until I’ve had my coffee.
• I can’t seem to find the time to do everything.
• I can’t homeschool.
• I can’t get the things I need.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve said my share of negative idioms.

Fortunately, there is hope for children and adults (like me).

Here are some things you can do to get rid of that little contrary cricket in your homeschool.

How to Deal with “I can’t”

The Causes

Why do children utter that infamous unpleasant phrase? Is it laziness? Well, maybe. But you might want to think about these other causes first.

• Lack of confidence. If a child has experienced failure many times when trying to learn something, he starts to believe that he really can’t do it. You might try reminding him that Edison made 1000 attempts before he successfully invented the light bulb. Explain that confidence and learning can come with practice and study.
• Fear of failure. This is when the child would prefer not to try rather than risk making a mistake. Perfectionists sometimes do this. Tell your child that there is nothing wrong with mistakes. They are really just a tool for learning.
• Lack of understanding. If the material doesn’t make sense to the child, he won’t try to do the work. Try looking other ways to explain the concept so that he will understand it.

If none of these are the source of the problem, then you’ll find some more suggestions in the next two sections.

Trash the “I Can’t”

One way to eliminate an “I can’t” is to physically destroy it. This method works for anyone, but here’s how to use it with your child.

Tell your child to write down the “I can’t” phrase on a small piece of paper. It could look like this, “I can’t learn percents.” Or maybe, “I can’t write an essay.”

Next, have him tear it to shreds and throw it in the trash. Let him have fun with this and get as excited about it as he likes.

Last, have him write out a new, positive sentence on a piece of paper. This one should replace the “can’t” with a “can.” For example, “I can learn percents” or “I can write an essay.” Let him draw a star, a smiley face, or some positive image on it if he likes. Hang this note up where he can see it on a daily basis as a reminder.

Inspirational Quotes

There was a year when my kids were attacked viciously by the “I can’t” bug. They seemed to say it just about every day. I was not happy. So I decided it was time to take action.

I found some inspirational quotes to get them thinking in a positive way and hung them up. I used ones that included phrases like “I can” or “you can.” Then I went one step further. I made them say a quote every time they uttered that negative phrase. It worked. Within a short time, the “I can’ts” were gone.

That was a relief.

Now the “I can’ts” only come up in our household occasionally. (Some are said by me, but I’m working on it. 😉 )

Would you like some quotes for your homeschool? Here are a few jewels that I have discovered.

• I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. — Philippians 4:13
• If you think you can do it, you can. — John Burroughs
• Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right. — Henry Ford
• When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it. — Theodore Roosevelt
• I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying. — Michael Jordan
• I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do. — Helen Keller
• I don’t think anything is unrealistic if you believe you can do it. — Richard L. Evans
• You must first clearly see a thing in your mind before you can do it. — Alex Morrison
• I do the very best I know how – the very best I can; and I mean to keep on doing so until the end. — Abraham Lincoln
• If you can dream it, you can do it. — Walt Disney
• If you do not believe you can do it then you have no chance at all. — Arsene Wenger
• The mind is the limit. As long as the mind can envision the fact that you can do something, you can do it, as long as you really believe 100 percent. — Arnold Schwarzenegger
• You can do what you have to do, and sometimes you can do it even better than you think you can. — Jimmy Carter

I also have some Christian Motivational Posters here you may want to hang up in your home. One of the posters is an I Can’t/I Can one with a Bible verse.

Many blessings,